I studied conflict graduate school where our conflict resolution model was based on Goal Theory and finding “common ground,” which was the practice that sprung from that on the assumption that conflicts were a result of competing goals.
Then I was appointed by the court as a “neutral” in our society’s most severe, destructive and chronic conflicts – child custody conflicts – where often one party will literally kill before turning over their children to the other – even for visitation – where I saw proven abusers who were impervious to mediation, prevail through the defensive mechanisms of “projective identification” (convincing everyone that the other is evil) and dissociation (I didn’t do what I just did – so that we enter a delusional world). This is what we really mean by narcissism. Narcissists are a certain type of person who yes – does feel superior and instills in others a sense they are incompetent creating attachment disorders and co-dependency – but the defining characteristics of a narcissist is that they must have control which they achieve through the defensive mechanisms projective identification (blaming others for your own aggression and anger) and dissociation, (saying and believing that you did not do, what you just did). These conflicts are characterized by whipping others into a frenzy of hatred, super-charged with personal attacks demonizing the other, reversals so that the abuser is the victim. They are not morally equivalent but can seem so as parrying a narcissists’ attack is a very difficult thing to do. Hence the adage “in the desert God and the devil can seem as one.”
I would rather have the brca1 gene run in my family than narcissism as narcissists are more deadly – their path of destruction is so great.
So I can see dysfunctional systems – systems that are at their root – run by a controlling person using projective identification and dissociation – And I have created a model that argues that there are three types of conflicts: those that can be mediated, those brought on by a troubled person so they are acting out as a result of trauma for example, and “Type three” conflicts” – those that have a narcissist at their root –
Type three is what we have in the nation right now – a world turned up side down – and we need to do what I do in the cross-examination – Make sure in my reports that both sides feel respected and heard and validate their statements and then question objectively and with great respect, every fact that is presented – how they know it to be true or not true and then on the stand have these facts at the ready, knowing that it is the narcissist’s attorney’s obligation to make me look immoral and incompetent.
Right now those very concerned about a Trump presidency and the ascendency of the far right can ask the following and challenge the following assumptions: who really are the murderers? (look at gun violence, Iraq and lack of health care for example) Who suppressed jobs? Who blew up the economy, who is discriminated against? Should go to jail?
– S0 – what Keith Ellison – (D-MN) – is quoted as saying in the Washing Post on January 2nd 2017 “if we think Trump will create bad conditions and that will be enough for the Democrats to win in 2018 we are absolutely wrong – “ is absolutely right – we won’t turn this around until we understand how narcissism, i.e. one’s will must prevail over the common good, works.
But some Trump supporters are teachable and so there is an opportunity for Democrats to lead and for the American people to learn – if we are always respectful, validate and bring out the facts accordingly.
