Conflict Uncomplicated: Hope, love and understanding for victims of bullying and for people in serious conflicts. 

 

“Peace can only be achieved by understanding… Everything should be
made as simple as possible but not simpler”  – Albert Einstein

My Goal: More Hope and More Love to Manage Serious Conflicts

Conflict, serious conflict, seems to be everywhere. Handling conflicts well is the means to a good life. My twenty years as an expert witness, where I step into the fire of really serious conflicts, has taught me that solutions can be found and love can be restored if we understand that conflict is often hidden so that often we do not see it for what it is until it is in an extreme form and that conflicts are not all the same.  It seems to me there are three types, each with its own solution.

“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are”
– May 26th “The Courage to Change”

Type One Conflicts have been referred to as “win-win” conflicts. They can be resolved through mediation  because they are caused more by a difficult situation than by characteristics of the individuals involved.

“All that rage. Like an infection it seemed.”
– Tim O’Brien

Type Two Conflicts  are reactive: when difficult times cause individuals to strike out, to externalize their emotions (Aggressive behavior associated with PTSD related trauma, is included here. At times trauma is implicated in high conflict described below.) They are solved through counseling. Herman’s Stages of Recovery is a helpful resource.

Type Three Conflicts: caused by Cataclysmic Malignant Narcissist, (CMN) which is similar to a bully. CMN is a condition that causes the afflicted person to reverse reality (project). Their will must prevail over others. They are aggressors who perceive themselves as victims and their victims they view as perpetrators. Between their will and the common good their will must prevail. CMNs can be managed through DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), setting limits/not enabling and having a safety plan.  

The Book: Conflict Uncomplicated

The book shows how “catastrophic malignant narcissists” (CMN) or bullies create Type Three conflicts. The book shows how CMNs can hurt – even ruin – our most important personal relationships. I show the reversed reality Type Three people create that becomes the myth that are at the root of these destructive conflicts and I provide a guide to evaluating and managing Type Three conflict – no matter whether it is family, community or business.

The Blog: Conflict Uncomplicated

Type Three Conflicts are caused by CMNs or bullies. Read my blog to understand how CMNs are at the root of what is now called political “polarization.” CMNs/bullies create a dynamic that threatens our democracy.

Click Here to Visit My Blog

 “It is said that James Cagney played the bad guy so well because he understood that bad guys don’t see themselves as bad guys, they see themselves as misunderstood good guys.”
– found in the archives of Turner Classic Movies

About Robin M. Lynch PhD

I am appointed to the NYS Appellate Division’s panel of child custody evaluators and Chair of the New York State Psychological Association’s Child Custody Evaluation Committee, (CCEC). CCEC is committed to advancing the court’s ability to identify abuse, addiction and trauma in contested child custody disputes and to increasing the court’s understanding of the dynamics these conditions create. Child custody disputes are the most elemental form of complex conflict, i.e., conflict that is expansive, polarizing, destructive, and immune to mediation, (what I refer to here as Type Three conflicts) I hope that what is learned from their analysis will serve to help diminish the effect of Type Three conflicts generally. My article in JCC, Unmasking the Abuse: Psychological Defenses in Child Custody Disputes, describes my theoretical orientation and is reprinted here in my ebook.

“if we could first know where we are . . . we could then better judge what to do and how to do it” – Abraham Lincoln

I received my Ph.D. from Columbia University in Social Psychology, where I was a research assistant for the International Center for Cooperation and Conflict Resolution, (ICCCR).  I am Past-President of The Forensic Division of the New York State Psychological Association, (NYSPA)  and I am on the American Psychological Association’s “Effective Providers” panel which is developing new means for identifying and treating abused and traumatized children.

 

Many individuals from legal and psychological backgrounds were supportive of this site, but I am solely responsible for its content. The content is copyrighted.

 

CONSIDER VOLUNTEERING AND OTHERWISE SUPPORTING CONFLICT RESOLUTION PROGRAMS IN YOUR COMMUNITY AND SCHOOLS: TRY ASSOCIATION FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION (ACR) https://www.acrnet.org AS A GOOD RESOURCE FOR STARTING A CONFLICT RESOLUTION CENTER